Healthcare or Torture?

So on Friday I drove across town to have a doctor look at the growth that is called Karl.

Everything was going great, will for the first two minutes of the visit that is. The doctor said that it wasn't a tumor (which three other doctors said it was) so YAY for me. So what the hell is it, I said. It turns out that it is a cyst. He said that it was the biggest cyst (in a mouth) that he had ever seen. Of course I said thank you and blushed just a little. It isn't often that someone can impress a doctor with a growth.

The doctor said that it needed to be drained right away. The doctor tried to numb my mouth and tongue. Notice I said TRIED, yeah he failed. As he cut into my tongue and the cyst that was hiding under my tongue I felt ever ounce of pain.

I know this isn't the best blog by give me credit I am high I VICODIN.

What the hell is that under my tongue?

So for the last week or so my tongue has been bothering me. I didn't really pay attention to it til last night. After I finished brushing my teeth I noticed that my tongue hurt. So I thought that I should look and see if I could see something. Well I did see something and it shocked me, under my tongue was what looked to be a grape. (I don't recall eating any grapes.)

So this morning I went to an Urgent Care, the first doctor i saw had no clue what it was. So she called in a second doctor. That doctor didn't know what it is either. So a third, forth, and a fifth doctor came in. After five different doctors looked and poked around in my month for about an hour, they decided that the growth under my tongue is either a cyst or a tumor.

You have to be shitting me a tumor. GREAT ..... what should I name it?

Missing Cervix

Missing: Have you seen Jane's cervix lately? It is missing a piece of it's self. It was last seen on Oct. 24th 2008. Please if you have any information about the missing piece please notify SucidialJane or Me.

Blue biscuits of love

So awhile back I had worked late at work the night before and got called into work around 11pm and worked til about 4am. Then I had to go back into work at 6am and worked til 10am. So when I got home from work Jane made me breakfast. She made homemade biscuits. Yummy I love biscuits. But when the biscuits came out of the oven there was something not right about them. Here is a picture of them, see if you can tell what is wrong with them.


That's right they are blue, I asked Jane why they were blue. Her reply was "I put blue food coloring in them, I know blue is your favorite color." Aww how sweet, but I grabbed the milk and smelled it. Yep the milk was a little off. I was nice and ate the biscuits anyways. Boy did I regret it. I was sick for the next few days. LOL So the question is, did she really put blue food coloring in them or was it bad milk?

A male is spotted at Hobby Lobby

For all you women out there that think it is a good idea to take their men to craft stores. This is what happens to them when left alone in these stores.



They find their inner Madonna.

ER story #5 What hasn't gone up there?

Working in the Emergence room I have seen a lot. Things that have made me happy, sad, mad and just plain grossed out.

What is it with people sticking stuff up their asses? I have seen potatoes, squash, carrots, bananas, frozen grapes, dildos, vibrators, curling irons, and toys. Toys like Barbie's hunk-of-a-man Ken. Some guy came in one night with a Ken doll stuck up his ass. The dumb ass that he was, stuck Ken in head first. You may ask why does that make him dumb. Here's why, when the guy tried to pull Ken out, Ken's arms raised up. So of course Ken wouldn't come out. Each time we tried to remove Ken his arms would raise and the man would scream. It was actually kind of funny. We finally had to slide some scissors up his ass and cut Ken's arms off. Then we were able to pull Ken out, but then we had to fish his arms out.

To this day I still have trouble walking down the Barbie aisle at the toy story.

What just hit me?

Lets take a trip back to when I was in fourth grade.

It was a warm Spring day and the wind was blowing pretty hard. It was lunch time, a group of my friends and me were outside sitting under a tree. We were eating are lunches and talking. When a gust of wind came up and the paper bag I had my lunch in started to blow way. As I reached out to grab it, I saw a spot red and white flash before me. I followed the flash of color down, then I felt something hit me in the stomach. I looked down and saw a pinkish red spot on my new white shirt. I also saw a white/pinkish red tube on the ground next to me. What ever could it be? I ran and got a teacher, when I showed her where I was sitting she was amazed. Why you might ask? Well, maybe it is because the tree I was sitting under was covered with blood soaked tampons.

To this day I still can't walk down the tampon aisle!!! GROSS