Hands to yourself DAMNIT

Ok, so I am at a local burger place (Red Robin). So I am sitting there minding my own business when someone grabs my ass. Ok so I am sitting, how can someone grab my ass while I am sitting you may ask. Just before the ass grab I felt something hit my back and fall between the chair and my back. So I am thinking she dropped something and reached for it and just bumped my butt. Ok sounds good to me, but no it happens two more times. So please tell me what the hell is up with that. I feel so violated.

Icyhot is not the answer...

So there I was, laying on the bed with my shirt off. When a Penguin swooped down and jizzed IcyHot all over my back. then with its flippers it started to rub the Icyhot onto my back. Of course it felt good at first. My back was hurting. But then I soon realized that the skin on my back was very very dry. As I screamed a quiet scream and tears flowed from my eyes. I then realized that IcyHot and dry skin don't mix. As I ran for the shower, the penguin yelled Sorry, but it was a little late.

My stupidness

I have a public announcement to make. EXP Duster does not make a good deodorant. It does not keep you dry, feeling refreshed, or feeling confident that you will not leave pit stains on your favorite shirt.

Ok, so here is the story. I was cleaning up the apartment and grabbed the EXP duster that was next to my labtop and was going to put it away. I wasn't wearing a shirt and it was really hot. So I thought to myself "hey this gets cold when you spray it" so I held it about 6 inches away from my chest and sprayed it. Hmm it was a little cool, so I sprayed it under the left arm. Hmm it was a little cooler, so I sprayed it under my right arm this time. OMG it was cold and I screamed like a little girl, as I dropped the can and raised my arm, I could see the white half dollar size circle outlined in red.

Some people might say why Mr. J why? I say why not, it sounded good at the time. Now I know better.

Drunken man vs 11 foot alligator

Why are people so stupid?? This is what I asked myself after I read a news report from Florida.

A 18 year old white male thought that it would be a great idea to go for a night swim in a canal that feeds into lake Okeechobee. Now this teen admits to drinking, but says that the group he was with had stopped drinking beer before 6 p.m. and that the group had at least one person that had not been drinking at all. The teen claims that at the time when he entered the water for his 2am swim nobody was intoxicated at all.

Ok I don't know about you, but when I was a teen and was out with my friends and we had beer there was no way in hell that we were going to stop drinking at 6pm. Unless we had ran out of beer. So I hate to say it but this teen is a liar. Sorry now back to the story.

As the teen dive into the canal at 2am which he knows was infested with alligators he didn 't notice the gators in the water. As the teen swam across the canal an 11 feet alligator clamped down on his left arm and tore it from the teens body. The teen managed to swim back to shore were his friends called 911.

Ok so what makes this story stupid. It isn't the fact that someone got hurt, I feel bad for the teen I really do. The teen says that it isn't his felt he was drinking or that he was stupid enough to go swimming at night in an area that he knew had gators in it. But instead he is blaming the loss of his arm on the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for not properly controlling the alligator population.