Icyhot is not the answer...

So there I was, laying on the bed with my shirt off. When a Penguin swooped down and jizzed IcyHot all over my back. then with its flippers it started to rub the Icyhot onto my back. Of course it felt good at first. My back was hurting. But then I soon realized that the skin on my back was very very dry. As I screamed a quiet scream and tears flowed from my eyes. I then realized that IcyHot and dry skin don't mix. As I ran for the shower, the penguin yelled Sorry, but it was a little late.